Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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