Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize