she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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