sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
