It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
