and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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