i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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