I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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