Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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