I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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