dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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