I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
