I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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