do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize