1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
