and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
look no pants
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
