Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
