I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
