everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
