Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
