Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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