if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
