If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize