I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize