how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
