he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
