Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
