Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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