therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
