Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize