he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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