it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
