what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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