Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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