idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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