Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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