I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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