My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize