why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had sex on a roof
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
