I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
