Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
