just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
