im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
