umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
