I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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