I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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