Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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