theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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