there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
