And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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