I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize