now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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