There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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