Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
