What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
