I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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