How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
