I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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