so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I am naked and annoyed.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
