I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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