isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Houston, we have a squirter
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
