you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Randomize
