Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
