Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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