Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
