all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
