I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
