I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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