I want to stick my p in your. b.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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